Wenni's written assignment 2 essay regarding question 1 is quite coherent and clear. She started off by giving a brief introduction on the topic, followed by a question. It is a good introduction as it engages the reader to be more interested to read further on the rest of the essay. In addition, her thesis/stand is clearly stated, where she then proceed to elaborate to further support her stand.
For the body paragraphs, more transitions should be used to show the flow between the paragraphs. It would make it easier for the reader to know whether a certain point has ended, and will be moving on to the next point.
As this is an argumentative writing, many examples are used to support her stand. However, the only problem is that the examples should be elaborated further. The reader might have his/her own stand, therefore it is important to elaborate the examples to further convince the reader. In other words, after stating all the problems that climate models may give, the solutions should be well elaborated to make the problems seemed minimal.
Lastly, for the conclusion, it is advisable not to use terms such as "In a nutshell" because it is normally used in informal writing. Other than that, her conclusion is quite well written as it concludes with her stand as well as a proposed general solution to counter any problems faced while using climate models.
Overall, the whole essay is quite easy to follow and understand. However, as this is an argumentative writing, the essay might not be strong enough to convince the reader to follow her stand. With more elaboration on the examples, it would give enough reasons for the reader to consider her stand. Finally, watch out for grammatical errors and sentence structure, not to forget, all the citations(APA style).
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Peer Review of Wen Ni's Essay
To make things convenient for Wen Ni to check her work with respect to this peer review, I have divided this review into sections:
Overall
The essay is well written as it is coherent and cohesive, as well as interesting to follow. You organize the parts well and it is easy to understand.
However, I would like to suggest that you use different paragraphs for the 3 different leaders as I had observed that your organization of the essay is based on these three leaders. It would be easier for the reader to relate your supporting points with the respective leaders.
Introduction
Your introduction is interesting as you capture the reader's attention by starting off with a quote. Your thesis statement is clear and precise as you inform the reader of the extra importance of appointing a strong leader. Thus, answering directly to the question.
Body Paragraphs
Your paragraphs contain a few ideas but you organized it quite well and it supports your thesis statement excluding the part where you combined part of Ripert's qualities with the introduction of Merkel's. As mentioned above, it would be better if Merkel's part has a paragraph on its own. It will further show the importance of Merkel's qualities in answering this question.
In addition, there are some parts which I think you should consider revising which is:
"the leader should be the one who never turn back and give up until the very last minute"
and also
"Other than being positive, he was far-sighted and intelligent".
There are a few more of these similar mistakes.
Conclusion
Your conclusion does not have any transition from your main body. I would like to suggest that you add in transition words or phrases like "In conclusion, to summarize it all, etc". Other than that, your overall conclusion is good as it contains a brief summary of your main points and it supports your thesis.
Citations
Remember to include your in-text citations and references, especially your quote at the beginning of your essay.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Summary on Climate Change: Issues and Responses
On the evening of 5th February 2010, we attended an informative talk delivered by Dr. Leong Shie-Yui and Dr. Benjamin K. Sovacool on the topic of Climate Change. I will now present my views with regards to Dr. Benjamin’s enlightening presentation on the institutional and individual response to climate change issues.
Dr. Benjamin started off by giving a brief overview on the problems faced during climatic changes. The main constituent of the greenhouse gases, which is one of the key factors leading to the change in climate, is the emission of carbon dioxide gases, also famously known as CO2. Studies show that there is a significant increase in the emissions of CO2 since the early 1900s by many countries around the world. The emissions of CO2 are generally closely connected to the capita of the countries; the countries with the higher income average contribute a considerably large amount of CO2 as compared to the countries with the lower income average.
To assist in sustaining, stabilizing or if possible, reducing the amount of CO2 emissions into the atmosphere, Dr. Benjamin proposes 2 levels of actions which can be implemented – institutional and individual.
For institutional actions to achieve climate stabilization, they are divided into 6 sectors which are [1] energy supply, [2] transport, [3] buildings, [4] industry, [5] agriculture and forestry, and lastly [6] waste management. A variety of examples are given for the different sectors stated above so as to increase our awareness on how the different sectors can carry out the actions to achieve climate stabilization. There are few examples which caught my attention; one of which is the fact that some countries limit the number of driving days for its people, just to reduce its CO2 emissions from its vehicles. Not to forget, the extended producer responsibility for waste management in some companies such as NOKIA, which manages the disposal of its mobile phones as well, as quoted by Dr. Benjamin.
For individual actions, Dr. Benjamin divides them into 4 sections which are [1] sustainable electricity, [2] sustainable food, [3] sustainable homes, and [4] sustainable technology. The suggestions he brought up are mainly on individuals changing their normal routines and habits, from a simple action such as unplugging unused appliances, to a more complicated action of changing food habits.
Although some would believe that the institutional actions would show a more significant impact to the cause, it actually boils down to the individual itself. If every single individual contributes their part in stabilizing the climate, it would make a vast amount of difference as a whole.
Dr. Benjamin started off by giving a brief overview on the problems faced during climatic changes. The main constituent of the greenhouse gases, which is one of the key factors leading to the change in climate, is the emission of carbon dioxide gases, also famously known as CO2. Studies show that there is a significant increase in the emissions of CO2 since the early 1900s by many countries around the world. The emissions of CO2 are generally closely connected to the capita of the countries; the countries with the higher income average contribute a considerably large amount of CO2 as compared to the countries with the lower income average.
To assist in sustaining, stabilizing or if possible, reducing the amount of CO2 emissions into the atmosphere, Dr. Benjamin proposes 2 levels of actions which can be implemented – institutional and individual.
For institutional actions to achieve climate stabilization, they are divided into 6 sectors which are [1] energy supply, [2] transport, [3] buildings, [4] industry, [5] agriculture and forestry, and lastly [6] waste management. A variety of examples are given for the different sectors stated above so as to increase our awareness on how the different sectors can carry out the actions to achieve climate stabilization. There are few examples which caught my attention; one of which is the fact that some countries limit the number of driving days for its people, just to reduce its CO2 emissions from its vehicles. Not to forget, the extended producer responsibility for waste management in some companies such as NOKIA, which manages the disposal of its mobile phones as well, as quoted by Dr. Benjamin.
For individual actions, Dr. Benjamin divides them into 4 sections which are [1] sustainable electricity, [2] sustainable food, [3] sustainable homes, and [4] sustainable technology. The suggestions he brought up are mainly on individuals changing their normal routines and habits, from a simple action such as unplugging unused appliances, to a more complicated action of changing food habits.
Although some would believe that the institutional actions would show a more significant impact to the cause, it actually boils down to the individual itself. If every single individual contributes their part in stabilizing the climate, it would make a vast amount of difference as a whole.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
1st Post For EG1471
I would like to start by introducing myself. My name is Abdul Rahman Bin Mohamed. I am 22 years old. Currently, I am pursuing a degree in Mechanical Engineering.
First and foremost, my personality. I believe I am someone who is cheerful, loves to make friends and always think logically. I always want to know the reason behind everything that happens around me and love correcting people on things which I am truly confident about. In addition, to a certain extent, I am quite a perfectionist. However, a trait which I truly hate about myself and have been trying to change is my procrastination attitude. It has been my obstacle since I was a child.
Academically, I love mathematics. I have been scoring for all my mathematics tests and exams since I started studying. I love the challenges that mathematics offer. This is one of the reasons why I chose this path for my studies - mathematics is a main component in engineering. However, despite my vast interest and success in mathematics, the same thing cannot be said of my grasp of the English language. I have never scored higher than a ‘B’ grade in English ever since I was in primary school. Hence the reason why I was not taken aback after the Qualifying English Test (QET) results were released.
Besides studying, I usually spend my free time outdoors. I love participating in sports, especially soccer. I always spend my Saturday nights playing soccer with my friends. It is my way of relieving stress from school and acts as my only form of exercise. It is the only exercise that I truly enjoy. Apart from playing soccer, I enjoy watching them, especially the English Premier League in which I support Manchester United FC. I have been supporting them ever since I started playing soccer at the age of 6. In addition to soccer, I occupy my free time playing the guitar, surfing the internet and riding around with my friends on my motorcycle.
With regards to module EG1471, I really hope to learn various skills and important techniques to improve my writing skills so that I am able to use them in the future. I believe that undergoing this module would give me a perfect start for me to improve myself in this field so that I can use the skills that had been imparted to me by the end of this module. I am confident that, with the assistance, guidance and support of my English teacher, Ms Brenda Lee, and not to forget my fellow classmates in EG1471, my writing techniques and my grasp of the English language will improve tremendously. I hope we can all learn from each other’s mistakes and turn studying EG1471 into a fruitful experience!
First and foremost, my personality. I believe I am someone who is cheerful, loves to make friends and always think logically. I always want to know the reason behind everything that happens around me and love correcting people on things which I am truly confident about. In addition, to a certain extent, I am quite a perfectionist. However, a trait which I truly hate about myself and have been trying to change is my procrastination attitude. It has been my obstacle since I was a child.
Academically, I love mathematics. I have been scoring for all my mathematics tests and exams since I started studying. I love the challenges that mathematics offer. This is one of the reasons why I chose this path for my studies - mathematics is a main component in engineering. However, despite my vast interest and success in mathematics, the same thing cannot be said of my grasp of the English language. I have never scored higher than a ‘B’ grade in English ever since I was in primary school. Hence the reason why I was not taken aback after the Qualifying English Test (QET) results were released.
Besides studying, I usually spend my free time outdoors. I love participating in sports, especially soccer. I always spend my Saturday nights playing soccer with my friends. It is my way of relieving stress from school and acts as my only form of exercise. It is the only exercise that I truly enjoy. Apart from playing soccer, I enjoy watching them, especially the English Premier League in which I support Manchester United FC. I have been supporting them ever since I started playing soccer at the age of 6. In addition to soccer, I occupy my free time playing the guitar, surfing the internet and riding around with my friends on my motorcycle.
With regards to module EG1471, I really hope to learn various skills and important techniques to improve my writing skills so that I am able to use them in the future. I believe that undergoing this module would give me a perfect start for me to improve myself in this field so that I can use the skills that had been imparted to me by the end of this module. I am confident that, with the assistance, guidance and support of my English teacher, Ms Brenda Lee, and not to forget my fellow classmates in EG1471, my writing techniques and my grasp of the English language will improve tremendously. I hope we can all learn from each other’s mistakes and turn studying EG1471 into a fruitful experience!
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