To make things convenient for Wen Ni to check her work with respect to this peer review, I have divided this review into sections:
Overall
The essay is well written as it is coherent and cohesive, as well as interesting to follow. You organize the parts well and it is easy to understand.
However, I would like to suggest that you use different paragraphs for the 3 different leaders as I had observed that your organization of the essay is based on these three leaders. It would be easier for the reader to relate your supporting points with the respective leaders.
Introduction
Your introduction is interesting as you capture the reader's attention by starting off with a quote. Your thesis statement is clear and precise as you inform the reader of the extra importance of appointing a strong leader. Thus, answering directly to the question.
Body Paragraphs
Your paragraphs contain a few ideas but you organized it quite well and it supports your thesis statement excluding the part where you combined part of Ripert's qualities with the introduction of Merkel's. As mentioned above, it would be better if Merkel's part has a paragraph on its own. It will further show the importance of Merkel's qualities in answering this question.
In addition, there are some parts which I think you should consider revising which is:
"the leader should be the one who never turn back and give up until the very last minute"
and also
"Other than being positive, he was far-sighted and intelligent".
There are a few more of these similar mistakes.
Conclusion
Your conclusion does not have any transition from your main body. I would like to suggest that you add in transition words or phrases like "In conclusion, to summarize it all, etc". Other than that, your overall conclusion is good as it contains a brief summary of your main points and it supports your thesis.
Citations
Remember to include your in-text citations and references, especially your quote at the beginning of your essay.
Thank you for your opinion and suggestion on my essay. I will review the whole construction of body paragraph in order to make it more concise and clear. For the grammatical mistakes that you have mentioned, which I used words in past tense manner to describe the leader models, it is because the original passage which I referred to is also written in past tense manner for the description of these leaders. That is why I did so too in order to achieve consistency. I will also add in transition in my conclusion to make my passage more readable. The citations will also be added in. Thank you.
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